POPCORN STAINS

I finally saw The Island. It was as expected, nothing more and certainly nothing less. How can anyone expect less from a movie that shoots as many cars across the screen as porno’s shoot nuts. Maybe that was a little vulgar, but I’m trying to equate my experience. I did indeed leave with some serious popcorn stains. First off, I have nothing against sabotaging my own theories and those of you probably know by now about my very simple Bay theory: He is not the worst director in the world, and he is far and away the best at blowing things up and strapping cameras to Corvets. In this context, Michael Bay has no doubt made the ultimate popcorn film. I will not waste this post by simply regurgitating the movie back to the simple folk who should have already seen it, but I will say that this is exactly what our public asked for. Unfortunatly, the public pretended to grow up and turned this Bay film into one of Hollywoods all-time flops.

"Be careful for what you wish for."

These sorts of sayings I have always balked at. Naturally my brain had been turned off, but the notion hovered over me while watching The Island. Man, the public is stupid, and MB no doubt played down to them because this is what is expected and more. The real insult was caused by the audience, by revealing their own arrogance and dissing the film by not showing up. The movie had an opening weekend bow of 12.4 million bucks and has pretty much halted its cash intake at 30+ mill worldwide. Let us get one thing straight, just because you refuse to see a movie does not mean you are above it (at least while you are still seeing Fantastic Four or the Pacifier, two of Hollywoods success stories this year).

This summer I have spent on "The Island" of Martha's Vineyard. We often refer to this island as "The Rock." Mark, my older brother, and I are a couple of "Bad Boys." My twin little bothers, Jamie and Patrick, are "Bad Boys 2." This thinking is as base as anything Bay would ever produce (he titles his films with such names). He has always been clear on what he has set out to achieve, and the public has been responsive thus far to his ventures. His new film, The Island, has officially flipped the script on MB, and I can't say I am a bit surprised.

Now that we have this crisp and clear, MB getting a reality check by no one showing up to the movie he produced for "everyone," this is a gooooooood thing. I am sad to know that the studio backing his next project, "The Transformers," will no doubt put a short leash on his budget, but maybe it is actually time for Bay to grow up and developed something "different."

What can be different for Bay? Is it possible? I have no idea. If I had it my way, I would put Bay in charge of popcorn stains for the next 40 years; the Lieutenant in arms of the summer film, but those days appear numbered. I leave it up to MB now, to prove the people wrong, and developed something that will transcend all demographics, not just the 14 yr. old kids he has worked so desperately to impress. Something finally worth talking/writing about critically. When this film comes, I will feel proud to have acknowledged the skills. I am pretty sure however, that Michael Bay can only deliver on mindless summer explosions, so the public might have just shunned its best in that category. Meanwhile, we will all have to settle for someone elses "Bays" summer film--only providing the public with their wish.